How Do I Get My Husband into Rehab When He Doesn't Want to Go?
If you're searching for this, there is a good chance that you have already tried just about everything.
You have talked to him
Begged him
You may have even gotten angry with him, threatened to leave, or promised that everything would be better if he would stop drinking or using drugs.
And he continues to tell you the same thing:
“I don’t need rehab”
Maybe he says he can quit at any time.
Maybe he says you are overreacting or exaggerating.
Maybe he says he has a problem but can handle it on his own.
Meanwhile, you are watching everything get worse.
So what can you do when your husband needs help but won't accept help?
You can’t argue him into going to rehab
This is one of the first things that you need to understand
You can show him what his drug use or drinking has done to his health, his marriage, his job, his finances, and the children.
This does not mean that you just give up.
It means that you need to stop trying to win an argument and that ist is time to start figuring out what might get him to be willing to accept the help you are offering.
Pick the right time to talk to him
If he is using, at the moment, it probably is not the right time for this conversation.
Wait until he is sober and things are relatively calm.
Do not start this conversation in the middle of an argument
Tell him what you have witnessed and how it affects you.
You do not have to sugarcoat the situation
Instead of the conversation:
“You are ruining our life, and you need rehab”
You can say:
“I am really worried about you. I don’t think that you can do this on your own anymore, and I am going to figure out how to get you some help”
Then Listen
You may learn a lot: that he is worried about work, afraid of going to rehab, concerned about finances while in treatment, or he simply doesn’t understand what rehab entails.
These concerns can usually be addressed.
Ask him if he can make one small commitment.
Sometimes, when the word rehab comes up it is enough for someone to shut down completely.
You do not need to get him to agree to a 30-day rehab in the first conversation.
You can start with:
“Will you talk to a rehab specialist with me?”
That is all.
He doesn’t have to promise or worry about going anywhere.
He has no obligation to sign up for treatment.
He simply will get some information.
Once you have an understanding of what is available.
You can then check and see what your insurance will cover
You will also find out if you need to get an interventionist involved to help you.
At this point, you can start setting boundaries you need to have in your own home.
You do not have to wait for him to agree before you start getting help for yourself.
You can call Addiction No More at 1-800-513-5423 and talk about the situation.
You do not have to know which rehab you want.
You do not have to know if he needs detox or inpatient treatment.
All you need to do is explain what is going on, and we will give you directions about what your options are.
What if he says, “I’ll quit on my own”?
This is one of the most common responses.
And sometimes people do stop without going to residential treatment.
You need to understand that stopping suddenly is not always safe
Some types of drugs can be dangerous to withdraw from, particularly with heavy alcohol use or certain medications and drugs.
If you are concerned that your husband might be physically dependent, talk with a medical professional about the safest way to handle the withdrawal.
If he is having a medical emergency, has overdosed, is unconscious, having a seizure, having trouble breathing, or in immediate danger, CALL 911.
Rehab and detox are not a substitute for emergency medical care.
What if he has already gone to rehab before and relapsed?
He may tell you.
I already tried rehab and it did not work.
This can be very frustrating, as the family spends a lot of money and has gone through the stress of treatment once before.
Relapse does not necessarily mean that the treatment was pointless.
I may mean that something needs to be changed.
Maybe the program was not the right fi.
Maybe he left before his treatment was completed.
Maybe there is an untreated mental health problem.
Maybe he needed a different level of care to properly address the addiction.
Maybe he did not seek more support after leaving treatment.
The question is not necessarily:
“Did rehab work”
A better question may be:
“What needs to be different this time”?
What if he agrees to treatment and then has a change of heart?
This happens.
Some people may agree to treatment one day and the next day they say that they are not going.
This is why it helps to plan for this exact scenario.
Know where he could go.
Know what the program has to offer.
Know whether insurance may cover it.
Know exactly what the expected costs are.
Know whether detox is needed first.
Know how he will get there.
The more informed you are, the easier it will be for you to act when he finally agrees to go.
Should you consider an intervention?
If you have tried to talk to your husband and nothing has changed, an intervention may be worth discussing with a qualified professional.
An intervention is not when a group of people show up and start yelling at him to force him to go to treatment.
It should be planned.
The people involved need to know what they are going to say, what treatment is being offered, and what the boundaries are that will be put in place if he refuses help.
The goal of any intervention is to get the person to seriously consider treatment while also protecting the family.
What kind of rehab does he need?
This is another spot where families can get confused.
There is not one type of treatment that is successful with everyone.
Depending on the situation you may need:
Medical detox.
Residential treatment.
Partial hospitalization.
Intensive outpatient.
Outpatient counseling.
Medication-assisted treatment.
Dual diagnosis treatment for addiction and mental health problems.
What if he has good insurance?
If your husband has private health insurance, do not assume that treatment is automatically going to cost your family thousands of dollars.
Coverage will depend on your insurance plan, the treatment program chosen, the level of care, and other factors.
You can have the insurance coverage checked before deciding.
If you are looking for high-end treatment or private rehabs, it is important to ask specifically about:
Whether the program accepts insurance.
If it is in-network with your provider.
What the deductible is.
What your out-of-pocket expenses could be.
If private accommodation is available.
What level of treatment is covered.
If prior authorization is required.
Getting these questions answered ahead of time can eliminate a lot of uncertainty.
DO not wait for things to become a total disaster.
This is one of the hardest things for a spouse.
You keep thinking:
Maybe tomorrow is the day he will stop.
Maybe he will finally get scared enough to stop.
Maybe the next DUI will make him wake up.
Maybe losing his job will finally make him realize he needs help.
Maybe he will ask for help.
Sometimes people do eventually reach this point.
But you do not have to sit around and wait for it.
If your husband's drinking or drug use is getting worse, start finding out what your options are now.
You can make a phone call.
You can ask questions.
You can find out what treatment is available.
You can talk about insurance.
You can learn if an intervention is needed.
You can do this before he ever agrees to go.
What Should You Do Today?
If you have reached the point where you do not know what to do next, start with information.
Start documenting what your husband is using, how often is he using, whether he has tried treatment before, whether he has experienced withdrawal, if there are mental health concerns, and what insurance he has.
Talk with someone that understands treatment and placement.
Addiction No More can help you look at your options.
Call 1-800-513-5423.
You can explain what is happening and talk through possible treatment options, insurance, and next steps.
Your husband may not be ready to go to rehab today.
That doesn't mean you have to do nothing.
Sometimes the first step toward getting someone into treatment is simply for the spouse or family member to make the first phone call.
